I heard someone scream my name and I thought it was him.
I just experienced the worst ten minutes of my life where I honestly thought he was gone. I was so scared that I was fumbling for my shoes in a daze so I could drive to work to make sure he’d made it there safe. I thought he was in the street somewhere, lost forever.
I can’t explain why this awful sensation scared me so much or how it had such solid grasp on me in the simple second that it took to hit me. All I knew was how sad, empty, and scared I was. I texted and called him right away, and in the ten minutes it took to respond; I sat on the bed, on the verge of tears and hysteria, waiting for a reply.
I was so relieved to hear his voice, you have no idea. How quickly my life changed and could have changed. I knew loss and sorrow in the truest from. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
I would die if I lost him. I know that now.
I miss having someone to share my love with. I don’t mean that in some mopey and blubbery way. I had a dream last night that reminded me of just how warm and wonderful being that close with someone else can be.
It reminded me how happy I would be to live not for someone else, but for an entity…
It’ll happen, Old friend.
Daft Punk while drawing.
I feel kind of epic
This has been the worst and best year of my life.
And I still feel like I’m fish flopping around for water.
I never really understood all that being in “love” before. Honestly, I’d always thought it was silly. I thought it would be full of drama and awkward moments. I thought it was ridiculous when couples call each other pet names or kiss in public with no sense of modesty. I’d always judged the love stricken girls that moved in too soon or said yes before the first year had passed. I thought they were stupid for surrendering their hearts so easily and building a brand new life.
But once day, It’s going to hit you with title wave force. And all that water is going to wash away and eliminate everything you once believed. It’s then that you realize that the heart of you’res you’ve protected so dearly already belonged to another. And in that same instant, you come to realize you protected your heart so forcefully because all your secrets, dreams, and ambitions were locked away in there, waiting, just waiting for the piece that will make it whole. When you finally find that piece you’ll know. You will feel it, you’ll be happier than you’ve ever been. With them, you are whole.
Someday, You are going to wake up with a smile on your face. Someday, someone is going to mean more to you than anything else in the world around you. That day, you’ll know love. A simple, but powerful thing that swallows you up.
Someday you might do everything that you believed you’d never do, but you will also realize that those scary, adventurous, and spontaneous choices were the best you’ve ever made.