Standing Silly

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I'm a spontaneous, short, and silly redhead with a whole lot of dreams and so little time to fulfill them. I want to be something and everything at the same time.


At the end of every year, I write a long epic journal entry about my year.  Well, this year trumps all. 

2012 was my year of firsts. So many firsts.  Looking back, I don’t even know how I made it to this point. There were good firsts and awful ones, but each one has their own experiences, lessons, and has shaped me in ways I never thought possible.  My year was relatively simple and normal until the summer.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again, this summer changed my life. Forever. There was no going back after. 

I got my first Aerial Contract - It was everything I had worked for. In two years, I had accomplished my dream. It was so crazy that halfway through the contract I was still flabbergasted with the idea that, ‘Hey, I’m a professional now.”. And not some silly, birthday pro; but a serious legit pro in rhinestones and stage-lights. I loved it. Every minute that I was up there, performing, and living my dream. I get goosebumps thinking about it now. No one can ever tell me it’s not possible to accomplish something you set your mind too. 

It was also there that I met amazing friends. People that are just as silly as me. People that just don’t give a fuck and wanted to have fun. We were irresponsible and stupid, but we were also so alive. I’m never going to forget lighting 100 sparklers at once or the bad rumple nights. I miss them and love my far away friends so much. They were just as part of my summer as performing was. 

I moved out and got my first apartment - I never went back home after the contact. While I was in Ohio, My family life fell apart. We were all at odds and I decided it was finally time for me to be a big girl and move on. It was tough in the beginning. Really tough. I didn’t really have a plan, but I had faith that everything would work out. It took about there months, getting screwed over by my best friend, and some serious stressing; but I’m starting the new year with my own apartment lease. I have my own bedroom and bath, bigger than I’ve ever had in my life. It’s so empowering having my own things and even though it’s stressful, I’m proud of myself.

 I spent my first holiday season without my family- I used to think we were so close. I used to take pride in my family, but it all fell apart with my Father’s actions. I don’t know where he is, I don’t care; But he ruined the last bit of my family that was left. It’s been really tough and while I do miss them all, we all need a break from one another to chill out. 

I fell in love for the first time - If you told me a year ago that I would be madly in love by now, I wold have laughed in your face. The concept of being in love, or even being in a relationship was so off my radar that I wouldn’t even pause to contemplate the idea of being with and belonging to someone. It didn’t start out with him either, this too took time. From Arkansas, who opened my eyes to spontaneous late night adventures and silly beach make-outs to Steven who swept me up so fast and so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath and for a time I was lost in those gorgeous baby blues.

I thought I was in love then, but a few months later I met a boy that would change my entire life.  In the beginning, I kept saying Derek wasn’t my type. Tall and dark with a cute puppy dog face. He’s loud and outgoing, risky and silly. He’s everything I’m not on the surface, but then at the base of it all; we are entirely the same. Two lost souls that went through too much and just needed an anchor that understood without question or judgment. I never thought I would fall in love, much less with someone that is 16 inches taller than me;  but Derek is my best friend, lover, and confidante. He is everything to me and he’s the one that’s kept me standing through this all. I’m a tough little thing, but I will finally admit that sometimes I need a steady hand to keep me afloat and without him I would have sank already. 

I find it ironic that as this year of firsts draws to a close, I’ll end it and start a new one wit my first new years kiss. 

Goodbye 2012, you had some great moments; but I’m not sad to see you go. 

Posted: 1 year ago - With: 6 notes - Reblog

Happy New Year! (:

Photo I took of my friends and family on New Years Eve while playing with sparklers.

XoXoXoXoXoXo <3


2011 was quite something.

There was heartship, but also a lot of learning.  I suppose this could be the year of growth. 

In June, I had my first Aerial Arts performance. It was that very night that I decided this is what I wanted to do. It may have taken me 22 years, but I’d finally discovered what I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to take it. 

That said, It’s going to take a lot of work; but that’s okay. Since June, I’ve dedicated myself to Aerial Arts, getting strong, and learning new things. It doesn’t seem like it’s only been a short six months, but instead just feels like what I was always meant to do.  I’ve been a gymnast since I was four years old. Working hard is just so ingrained in me and when I find a challenge, I need to accomplish it. 

This year, I also began teaching gymnastics. It was something I was so dead set against for so long, but now that I’ve done it; It seems so silly that I denied it.  My body may never allow me to pull double backs like I used too, but it’s so rewarding to teach the kids new things.  I remember when one of my students got her backbend and I was so excited. She achieved that because of me. 

The past year, I met a psychotic women that believed abuse can run a business, a business that believed that a women possibly never walking again was just water under the bridge, and another that thought it was okay to let their jealousy run rampant and smoother her students. 

Maybe all the negatives thought they would get a bigger place in my yearly recap, but sorry bitches; that’s all you get. Instead, here is a big thank you.   You taught me how to run a business.   Caused me to realize that I am ready to go pro and what kind of shady places to avoid. And when you say I can’t do something, I will do everything I can to not only prove you wrong, but surpass you. 

You all may have tried to smoother me, but you have only made me stronger. 

This past year, I completed all my resolutions for the first time. 

I got a car. Not just any car, but a flashy red convertible mustang that I love. Sure, I’d always wanted a beetle (And I will defiantly still get one someday), but I loooove my convertible. 

I’ve lost 35 pounds.  The most common resolution, but damn; I achieved it. I gave up pop and juice and allowed myself sweets once a week. Between that and circus, it really wasn’t too hard. I always thought losing weight would be so difficult, but when just start taking care of yourself and you find a way to have fun at the same time; it’s really not that hard.  Just treat yourself nice, be happy, and the rest will follow. 

Even years are always my best. I’m looking forward to 2012 and I have a feeling it’s going to be great. It feels like I’m on the verge of discovery and I can’t wait to see what it has in store.

Because I achieved last years resolutions, I feel I have no choice but to do it again this year.


So here’s to 2012!

I can’t say that I will miss 2011, but thanks for all the lessons. 

Posted: 2 years ago - With: 0 notes - Reblog