Standing Silly

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I'm a spontaneous, short, and silly redhead with a whole lot of dreams and so little time to fulfill them. I want to be something and everything at the same time.

I just posted an ad on Craigslist basically pleading for a part time job. 

Okay, it doesn’t sound that bad. I’m good with words, but that’s what it summed up too. 

I laid everything out. Said I need the job because the dream that I’ve cried, bled, and fought for isn’t keeping me afloat. I said I was an aerialist and I need something on the side to keep me upright.

I don’t know if it will get any replies. I’m not sure I even expect anything to come of it, but it felt nice putting it out there. My struggles and mad hope to stick with this dream I gave myself two years ago. I’m terribly sad because I feel like it’s slipping away from me. 

All I want in life is just to be happy. 

Posted: 1 year ago - With: 0 notes - Reblog

Apologies

Well, I’m sorry I’m not perect.

I apologize that I’m not your average run of the mile 20-something kid going into debt in collage or working some shit minimum wadge job with a miserable life supporting myself. 

And no, I am not some ungrateful girl, munching it up in my parents house. I understand it’s a privilege living here and I truly appreciate it, but does that mean I now serve as the scapegoat to my parents who have terrible spending habits? 

I’ve worked hard to not become a product of my generation. I’ve been a good kid. I wasn’t stupid and partied. I was smart, kept my legs closed and didn’t get knocked up at a ripe career crushing age.  But now at almost 23, I’m here handing over my paycheck to support a family. Please don’t get me wrong, I adore my family and love them with my entire heart; but should my paycheck be the constant fall back when you spend $55 for Chinese take-out and then surprise! End the week with no money?

How will I ever have a chance to figure my way and move on without being a little selfish and saving some of my paycheck. I’m not refusing to help out, I would be more than happy too; But I’m going to be a little more than bitchy when I have to constantly dish over all my earnings. 

My brother got his first job last week. At 21 years old. Doing food service. I’m not knocking the fact that he has a simple job, I’m pissed that I’ve had a job since I was 17 and now that I work a “measly three hours a week and sit on my ass the rest of the time”, I’m a lazy, irresponsible child.  This measly three hours is a wonderful job, teaching children at circus school. Sure, It’s not much; but it’s making a bigger impact on someone else’s life than flipping burgers. I’m sorry that my job doesn’t bring more than enough money to cover gas and support you. I apologize for being such an inconvenience.  

Also, I don’t sit on my ass. I’m out there, working my ass off to achieve my dreams and that’s a hell of a lot more than can be said for any other member of my family. And when I am ‘on my ass’,  I’m also then working to achieve because no artist is going to improve simply by thinking about it. My artwork may pull in very little revenue right now, but it’s something. And maybe I’m paying out a lot more to learn circus arts than I will ever recoup; but Someday, I will get somewhere with it. I can promise you that. And when that happens, all this bullshit is going to seem so stupid when I’m way up there and everyone else is still down here. 

Posted: 3 years ago - With: 4 notes - Reblog