Me: I don’t like wearing shoes when I’m driving.
Derek: Me either, but that’s technically illegal.
Me: Well, Fuck the police!
Derek:….And that is why I love you.
When you like someone and they are all you keep talking about.
Every conversation you have somehow relates to them.
And then you feel silly because you keep mentioning that name, but at the same time you feel happy that they are the one on your mind.
And then you are just smiling like a love sick fool, pondering the whole equation.
If you know me, then you might know that I’ve been very headstrong in the fact that I don’t need anyone. While my friends are doing speed dating and hanging all over their boys, I’ve been telling myself I don’t care and that I don’t want the distractions or the drama.
Here is what I’ve learned. Boys are all about distractions. I don’t think I’ve ever been so distracted before in my life. I’m not going boy crazy, there was really only one; but that boy was enough. It’s an awful thing when you just can’t get them out of your head and all you can think about is laying in the grass at 3am, hanging all over each other at that pathetic bar, or jamming away to the so hipster music that we surprisingly both like.
And then I’m stuck here wondering what the hell went wrong. Let’s be honest, I didn’t really expect it to go anywhere past this summer; but I also didn’t expect him in the first place. It kind of just happened and isn’t that what I always said? If something was going to happen, it just would and that’s what’s killing me right now.
If nothing more comes out of this, at least I have learned things. As distracting, crazy, and dramatic as it is; It’s not so bad having someone’s arms around you. It’s not so awful tossing caution to the wind and laying out under the stars, talking about futures and possibilities. It’s nice and maybe I’m a little sad that I’ve denied myself that for so long.
It would be lovely if things progressed with Blue eyes, but I’ll get over it just fine if this summer is all there is.